now i remember... 

...why i cancelled my subscription to "better living through chemistry." i have a weird chemical imbalance. seriously. it's not been documented nor does it make me a threat to society. however, i have to be careful which drugs i take. why? well b/c i have strange reactions. take nyquil for example. i can't take it. well i can. it won't kill me but i'd almost prefer it did. for me it's not "the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, stuffy head, fever, so you can rest medicine." not in the least. it's the stay awake staring at the pretty colored dots on the wall why your skin crawls medicine. it's counterpart...dayquil...sends me in search of a soft, warm spot for hibernation. i took a popular diet pill back in the late 90's. i did not have an extra micron of energy. i did not loose so much as one microgram of fat. what i did get was a raging case of the grumpies. i'm not talking cute guys in the balcony of the muppets grumpy. i'm talking walking bitchosaurus. so what i was thinking yesterday when i decided to self-medicate, i have no idea. i popped one of my mom's lexapro tabs in the hope that it would keep me from having a complete and utter meltdown on the houseguest. it didn't have the desired effect. instead, i felt agitated, nervous, and hostile. oh, and my brain to mouth filter was functioning at a lower purification rate. my brother reminded me that when dealing with anti-depressants that it takes a while for the desired effect to become apparent. so i'm at a cross road. do i continue to take the lexapro in the hope that it'll eventually turn me into a mellow ball of mush? or do i toss it back to my mom and take my chances with my own coping mechanisms? i'm leaning more towards the latter. mostly b/c at least then i have control over my filter.  ¶ 12:35 PM |