pseudo-stalker or mullet boy part 1 

it's not unusual for me to venture out at night by myself. being a fairly solitary creature by nature, i'm not bothered by walking into a bar on my on to have a beer or three. i've been lectured enough times on the dangers of being a single woman in a bar alone that now i lecture myself as i drive to the bar to save others the trouble...to date i've never had any horrible life altering experiences. i have however ran into my share of weirdos. some well intuition's. some not so much. but enough of that lets get on with the story shall we?

a few sundays ago i was attacked by an overwhelming case of cabin fever. being that i live in a fairly metropolitan area obtaining a beer on a sunday night would not a problem. or so i thought. little did i know the...um...township(?) that i live in rolls up the streets roughly 4 minutes after 9pm on sundays. not to be deterred (read: being in complete denial) i drove to the next township and found my oasis (read: a seedy little dump of a bar). there were plenty of cars in the parking lot, a promise of live music and i AM from arkansas so it couldn't be all that bad. through the doors and to the bar i walked without even so much as a glance to the crowds of people that surrounded me. a quick check with the waitress provided me with the information that guinness was indeed on tap...what she didn't inform me of was that she was not schooled in the art of pouring it. a badly poured guinness isn't much better than bud light in my opinion but i choked down my disdain and my first sip of guinness and tossed her tip in the jar mostly out of a sense of obligation. it wasn't until the guinness started to taste somewhat like guinness and less like mule piss that i began to take in my neighbors at the bar. the guy to my right was a questionable at best. i couldn't determine when the last time he had showered but it hadn't been in the last two days judging from the sheen of his hair and skin. the guy on my left...oh dear lord...scary doesn't even begin to cover it. shaggy, dirty, and beat down by life with that eerie look most convicted serial killers have. i shudder just to think of him.

being caught between such fine specimens as i described above is nothing new. i've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly...lots and lots of the ugly. this particular night, in spite of my cabin fever, i wasn't feeling particularly social. especially if it was going to involve any amount of feigned interest. in fact if i recall correctly my exact thought was "if either of these bastards talks to me i'm gonna fuckin loose it." just about the time super-scary, serial killeresque guy looked like he was going to come in for a healthy dose of chewy meltdown therapy i hear from behind me..."don't you work at (insert name of healthcare facility)?"  ¶ 7:41 PM 0 comments |