listerine and jack daniels 

it's after midnight and i'm cold and tired. my alarm's set for 5am. i'm listening to willie sing about being on the road again and wishing i hadn't been too lazy to change the CD. i've got a busy day tomorrow and yet i'm staring at the pages of my blog journal waiting for some sort if inspiration to filter up out of the blackness of my mind.

it's not that i don't have tons of stuff to write about. i could tell you about the one armed man at the service station in massachusetts or the guy rollerskating behind a shopping cart on the highway in texas...actually consider the rollerskating guy story told. there's not much more too it than that. then there's the hooker(?) hitch hiking in the rain at night from the middle of the slow lane, if there is such a thing as a slow lane, on the expressway in boston. the guy in tucson that offered me a new year's kiss in the middle of march and then got all pissy when i declined. so you see, it's not that i lack material. it's that the ability to put it into an entertaining format comes and goes as it pleases.

well, i'll be damned. seems this might be productive afterall...

picture it...3 twenty-somethings leaving a farewell party in an unfamiliar part of boston, rain falling at that annoying "somewhere between slow an stop" pace, and enough alcohol on board to make things interesting. yes, i was one of those twenty-somethings and yes, i'd consumed more than a couple of pints...of what i can't exactly recall at this point.

we managed to navigate our way back to the T without much difficulty. we hussled through the turnstyles and up to the platform to catch our chariot back to Q-town. the train was just pulling in as we arrived and remarks were exchanged hushed whispers about the other occupants in the car. the overhead speaker crackled and a man's voice mumbled something about the next stop. we watched as the objects of our entertainment exited and closely analyzed their replacements as they stepped through the doors. it wasn't wasn't until the train lurched forward that one of us noticed which stop we were leaving. three heads jerked in unison towards the map and instantly we knew...we'd boarded the wrong train. at the next stop we joined the departing group and crossed over to the inbound platform.

if you've never been to a big city and ridden the subway, you might think all those scenes from the movies are fake. you'd be wrong. mice really do crawl all over the tracks, people do get killed on occasions, the third rail is nothing like putting you finger in a light socket, and musicians really do play down there for money. although unlike in the movies, they're not always good...which i guess makes you partially right on the authenticity of subway cinamatogrophy.

neither taylo or i had paid much attention the source of off key sounds filling the tunnel that day. until blade made a comment about how good she thought they were. (alcohol always clouded her judgment.) taylo and i turned in amazement to see if maybe she were speaking of something other than the local talent. but no. she was referring to alice cooper's uglier and less talented brother (ACUB) and his wife?...boyfriend?...no that's a woman...an ugly woman...but a woman all the same.

i'm not sure what caused me to wander over for a closer look. maybe it the alcohol but more than likely it was curiosity as to the true sex of ACUB's partner. while i never did quite figure that out, i did purchase one of their CD's. why? well it's like this. they were only 10 bucks a piece. i'd spent way more than that on lunch and would likely spend much more on beer that evening. so why not donate $10 from the beer fund to people that obviously needed to invest in voice lessons and soap. not to mention the novelty of it all. it's not like everyone has a copy of ACUB and the manly woman's greatest hits. in fact i'd be willing to bet that until now you'd never even heard of them. not to mention i was completely convinced it would be quality entertainment one way or another. either it would be shockingly better than the live rendition or it would be SO bad it's be funny. kinda like that asian kid from american idol. but mostly because it was 10 bucks. for a limited edition cd? you can't beat that...c'mon!!

taylo was relentless the rest of our trek home. he grabbed my newly purchased treasure as soon as we'd procured our seats on the proper train to quincy. as he read through the song list he burst into laughter. "holy shit!! we're listening to track 6 first!!" i didn't argue. the way i saw it track 6 is just as good a place to start on a new CD as any.

the speaker crackled again and our stop was anounced...or rather mumbled. a mad dash was made to my car once the doors of the car opened. taylo had the CD open and ready for insertion before i could get the key in the ignition. as i pulled up to pay the parking attendant, the first strains of track 6 blared from the speakers. it was hard to retain my composure as my change was returned by a very puzzled looking middle age man. the look on his face alone was worth the $10 i had dropped into that battered guitar case. as we pulled away a crackly almost in-tune males voice half sung half mumbled the words...and i quote:

pass the bottle of listerine. cause it's sunday and there ain't no booze...."

with each verse, taylo insisted on hitting the restart button b/c he couldn't here the lyrics over the rest of our laughter. after the 5th or 6th restart we managed to stifle it long enough to make it through the entire song. from that night on, it became the song to play if we were heading out to have a few and we usually were...heading out to have a few that is. it became our anthem that year. with lines like:

come the first of the month it'll be jack daniels and a woman for me. but right now...all i have is you trying to "say-ave" meeeeeeeee.

who could blame us?

to this day i still couldn't tell you about any other songs on the CD...well that's not entirely true sometimes we weren't paying attention and track 7 would start. i know it has something to do with the turning off the tv but that's it. i paid 10 bucks to listen to track 6 of ACUB and the manly woman's greatest hits. personally, i think it was 10 bucks well spent.  ¶ 4:27 PM 0 comments |

  things i've learned as a mother #5 

while letting your child sleep with you might seem like a good idea at the time, it rarely is. this is something i've had to learn several times in the past year and a half and will probably learn a few more times before it's all said and done.  ¶ 4:24 PM 0 comments |